During my 18-year marriage to a Malignant Narcissist I tried many different tactics to try to get him to stop being verbally abusive.
Nothing seemed to have the effect I was hoping for.
He would say the absolute worst things to me in front of our son. He called me the worst names and accused me of despicable acts.
Reminding him that our child shouldn’t be exposed to such vile words only seemed to encourage him to continue.
Ignoring him generally resulted in him becoming physically violent.
Finally, though, I said the magic words that stopped him cold.
Ironically, it happened the last time I saw him.
I had escaped with our son and gone No Contact. After being in hiding for 4 months, he found us.
He had intended to finish destroying me that night.
I knew it, and he knew it, so I had nothing to lose by telling him how truly pathetic he was. And I didn’t hold back.
I had been educating myself about Narcissism, so I knew what I told him was true.
I didn’t yell or scream, and oddly enough, wasn’t trembling in fear.
I told him that he was pathetic and would never be happy.
No matter what he did to me, he would not ever be able to have what I had.
Peace, joy, laughter, acceptance from within.
He would always be a miserable shell of a wanna-be human, and should be pitied.
Not that I felt sorry for him.
I definitely did not. But he thought I did.
And he couldn’t stand the thought that I pitied him and found him to be pathetic.
The false bravado he had always tried to maintain slipped away.
He looked at me with almost a pleading expression and kept telling me to stop saying that.
I didn’t stop, of course.
I repeated myself again and again. Each time his response was the same. “Stop saying that!!”
He even put his hands over his ears, and in almost a childlike voice again said, “Don’t say that!! Stop!! Stop saying that!!”
For me, it was priceless.
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Originally Answered By Serena Prince On Quora.
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