Quora Answers: My Narc Ex Told Me I Was His Soulmate. Now He’s Gone Back To His Ex. Is He Telling Her The Same Thing? We Only Split 3 Weeks Ago.
Narcissists tell all their victims that they’re soulmates. So, yes, he’s telling her the same thing. He’s been telling you both the same things the whole time.
Narcissists are always on the hunt for new supply sources. Regardless of how many they have at any given time, they’re still looking for more.
They repeat the same patterns, and very often, the same words, with every target. They’ve had years of experience to hone their skills, and are very good at what they do.
They’ve learned what works best, and they capitalize on that knowledge. Narcissists have a proven formula, and they don’t deviate from it.
The Components Of A Narcissistic Relationship
Each relationship has three phases, and each phase has its own components. The manipulation begins immediately.
During the lovebombing stage, narcissists convince victims they’ve found their soulmate. They tell each target that they’ve never felt so close to anyone before.
This is how they’re able to create a bond that’s strong enough to endure the devaluation stage, and beyond. It’s a form of brainwashing, and it works extremely well for them.
Victims in a narcissistic relationship go to great lengths to make things work. They try harder with a narcissist than at any other time in their lives.
The narcissist ensures this will happen by manufacturing a trauma bond. Trauma bonds are how they guarantee that victims will tolerate the abuse that’s forthcoming.
How Do Narcissists Create Trauma Bonds?
Brainwashing begins during the lovebombing phase. There are six fundamentals that make up this initial method.
1.) “We’re so much alike.”
Narcissists mirror their targets. They claim to have exactly the same likes and dislikes as the victim.
2.) “We’re destined to be together.”
They have the same hopes and dreams. Suddenly, the victim thinks their future is clear. The narcissist quickly assures them they’ll always be together.
3.) “You are beautiful, smart, sexy, etc.”
This serves two purposes. For one, Narcissists flatter to get flattered. They require adoration and adulation, also known as Narcissistic Supply. They choose victims who are empathetic, and will always return compliments.
Secondly, all the praise makes victims feel good. Endorphins abound, and they become dependent on the narcissist’s approval.
4.) “We have the same fears, insecurities, etc.”
Victims are tricked into sharing their vulnerabilities. Narcissists keep track of every one of them, to use later for manipulation.
5.) “I’ve never felt like this before. Nobody else has ever made me so happy.”
Narcissists convince targets that they’re special. Victims believe they’re offering the narcissist the kind of love they’d always dreamed of.
6.) “We’re soulmates.”
By convincing the victim that they’re just alike, an immediate bond of familiarity and trust is formed.
When you’re in a relationship with a Narcissist, your life becomes an act in a play. Everything is choreographed by the director/producer, who also happens to be the leading actor.
Long after your part in the play is over, the show will continue. Co-stars will come and go, but the Narcissist will always have the leading role.