The only possibility of having a healthy relationship with a narcissist is if the narcissist is self-aware, and is undergoing long-term intensive therapy.
This is a very rare occurrence since most people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder don’t believe there’s anything wrong with them.
One of the harshest truths someone in a relationship with a narcissist has to face is that their partner will never change. The toxic hope I held onto for so long in my own marriage to a Malignant Narcissist almost got me killed.
I refused to believe that the man I had devoted my life to enjoyed the pain and misery he heaped on me.
I made every excuse in the world for his behavior. He had Anger Management problems. He was abused as a child. He had abandonment issues. I acted like a bitch or was deficient in some way. If I could just do this or that, he would stop abusing me.
By making excuses for him, I was unwittingly giving him permission to continue to torment me. The loyalty I gave him was undeserved, and definitely not reciprocated.
Yet for years, I held onto the hope that something miraculous would happen and he would suddenly become a decent human being.
Once I began educating myself about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, and Narcissistic Abuse, I was forced to face reality. There was nothing I could ever say or do to make the relationship healthy.
My husband was a Narcissist, and he had absolutely no desire to change.
As painful as it was to accept that I had been fighting a losing battle the entire time, it was the best decision I ever made.
Originally Answered By Serena Prince On Quora.
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As much as I’d like to say that this person who abused you is to be condemned, destroyed, eaten alive by whatever nightmare could be thrown at them…
I’d still like to say that this person who abused you, did not wake up one day and was this way.
These distorted mindsets develop over time. I’m not as experienced as you seem to be in these subjects. All I do is think, and perhaps think too much.
I tend to try to understand somebody, or somebody’s way of thinking. Every mindset develops over time, and I do know that a descent down into a Hellish mindset is a far shorter process, than a rise towards wisdom and maturity. I also believe that no matter how much darkness one has thrown, like a quilt, over their own remorse, there’s always a part of that person who wants to say, “I am sorry for all I’ve done.”
I don’t know if the same is true for you, though such Narcissists are also people who experience immense pain, within themselves. Am I feeling sorry for them? I indeed am, because their victims, like you, are just as much affected by their actions, as their actions are affecting them; though, they don’t display remorse, because each terrible action such people commit, is like tossing dirt onto something that is treated like it is dead. Trying to ignore something that should be treated for its life, for its beauty, is something that a Narcissist or anyone else with a disturbed personality, is doing to themselves, as much as they do against other people.
I find that it takes FAR more strength to forgive, than it takes to simply walk away from such people.
I also hope that my words didn’t offend, as I know this is a deep subject for anyone having personally experienced it.
I’m not offended at all by your words, and am grateful that you took the time to comment.
I was married to this man for 18 years. Throughout the marriage I held onto the belief that he just had anger management problems, abandonment issues, and was abused as a child. I desperately wanted to believe that his actions weren’t intentional and that he would change somehow.
Even after he tried to kill me, I forgave him.
Turns out that he is a sadistic Malignant Narcissist, and the only thing he was sorry about was that he didn’t succeed in killing me.
I had to come to terms with the fact that if I stayed in the marriage, I would end up dead. So I got out, and have been working on forgiving someone who isn’t sorry.
That’s easier said than done. I do pray for him, but I will always keep my distance from now on.
Again, thank you for your comments!! Xoxo