What Are Some Ways To Help You Push Through The Hardest Times Of No Contact?
During the first days and weeks of No Contact, I vacillated between hoping my Malignant Narcissist husband would drop off the face of the earth, and yearning to see him again.
Even though I knew he wanted to kill me.
And even though I knew that the only possible outcome from breaking No Contact would mean being sucked back into my worst nightmare.
If I managed to survive it again.
I definitely knew the risks. We had been married for eighteen years. And he had abused me in every possible way.
For a Malignant Narcissist, there are many ways.
And he took sadistic pleasure in each and every one of them.
He delighted in the thrills that physically, verbally and sexually abusing me brought to his wicked mind.
But he didn’t stop there. He destroyed me financially, mentally, and emotionally.
More than once. And yet, I still craved him in my own twisted mind.
That is part of being a victim of Narcissistic Abuse. You’re still being tormented even after you leave your tormentor.
I was traumatized, of course. But I was also trauma-bonded to my husband. My Malignant Narcissist.
My body was also suffering, as was my then 13-year-old son’s. He is autistic, and we had both been diagnosed with Complex-PTSD, as a result of Narcissistic Abuse.
Because of the high cortisol levels in our bodies, we were experiencing a type of physical withdrawal that was a nightmare unto itself.
Our emotions were raw. Yet, as odd as it sounds, they were also numb. Our moods ran the gamut from anger and rage to sobbing hysterically with grief, to wishing we could just go back.
To our familiar nightmare.
As opposed to this unfamiliar one.
Five minutes later, I was praying for him to die a long and painful death. After a prolonged torture session.
There were times I missed him desperately. Though why I couldn’t tell you. He certainly wasn’t worth missing.
Still, I missed being in his arms. And I missed the way we used to laugh together.
Those times were painfully hard to overcome, and I came very close to breaking No Contact on more than one occasion.
I knew I needed a tried and true method of stopping any positive thoughts of him that might come into my head.
Before they could tempt me again.
I’ve always been a voracious reader, and this was especially true in the first weeks after going No Contact.
One of the books I read was “Psychopath Free” by Jackson Mackenzie. There’s a passage at the beginning of the book that made me shiver when I read it.
For some reason, the author’s words caused something in my brain to click. An Aha moment, if you will.
It was obviously what I needed because I was different after that. I no longer had any desire to call my husband.
After reading the passage below, I continued to read the rest of the book. It told me what I needed to hear in order to push through the toughest times of No Contact.
The book had fully explained why I was feeling the way I was feeling.
It supplied me with the knowledge that I needed to stay strong enough to beat those overpowering impulses.
Finally, I had faced the cold reality that my entire marriage had been nothing but a sham.
And that the man I had loved wasn’t really a man at all. He never even existed.
The words that had the single biggest impact on me. And that propelled me forward at the beginning of my journey to healing from Narcissistic Abuse:
Page 54, “Psychopath Free” by Jackson Mackenzie:
THE PSYCHOPATH TRAINS YOU TO BECOME THE PERFECT PARTNER.
IN A MATTER OF WEEKS, THEY TAKE OVER YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, CONSUMING YOUR MIND AND BODY WITH UNRIVALED PLEASURE.
ULTIMATELY, YOU ARE TO BECOME THEIR NEWEST SOURCE OF ENDLESS ADORATION AND PRAISE—BUT FIRST, YOU MUST FALL IN LOVE.
THEN YOUR HEART WILL BE OPEN TO THEIR EVERY SUGGESTION.
THERE ARE THREE KEY COMPONENTS TO THIS PROCESS: IDEALIZATION, INDIRECT PERSUASION, AND TESTING THE WATERS.
THE IDEALIZATION PHASE IN A PSYCHOPATHIC RELATIONSHIP WILL BE UNLIKE ANYTHING YOU’VE EVER EXPERIENCED.
YOU WILL BE SWEPT OFF YOUR FEET, LOST IN A PASSIONATE FANTASY WITH SOMEONE WHO EXCITES YOU ON EVERY LEVEL:
EMOTIONALLY, SPIRITUALLY, AND SEXUALLY.
THEY WILL BE THE FIRST THING ON YOUR MIND WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, WAITING FOR THEIR CHEERFUL, FUNNY TEXTS TO START YOUR DAY.
YOU WILL QUICKLY FIND YOURSELF PLANNING A FUTURE WITH THEM—FORGETTING ABOUT THE DULL REALITIES OF LIFE.
NONE OF THAT MATTERS ANYMORE. THEY’RE THE PERSON YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH.
WHILE ALL OF THIS IS GOING ON IN YOUR HEART,
THEIR THOUGHTS ARE OCCUPIED BY SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY:
“GOOD. IT’S WORKING.”
Originally answered on Quora by Serena Prince. Edited for Post.